Today was a really rough day. I packed up my office at the church after almost six years as youth pastor. I’m on this crazy ride of trust that has been rolling since last summer when I knew God was leading me away from full-time youth ministry into something new. Some days have been harder than others, and today was definitely near the top of the list.
As I packed up my books it hit me that I won’t be going to that well of knowledge regularly like I have so often in the past. I love to teach and the act of searching the things of God and trying to put his truth into understandable bits that others might apply to their life is so exciting to me. And here I was packing up these tools. Sure, they’ll get unpacked at the new home sometime soon, but not for regular use. I felt like I was boxing up a part of me to store away for this season in my life. This sucks.
I’m excited to see where grace leads from here, and I know that I won’t be sitting on my knowledge and teaching ability forever, but this all hit me rather hard. It is so final, my walk as a youth minister is just about over. I wish I could say I leap into the next part of my journey with more enthusiasm, but I admit I have a hard time believing that this next step is one that I will be very comfortable with. But that’s part of what this current adventure is about for me. I have let my faith get too small, I have put God in this box that works very well for me and is very safe and comfortable as I work behind my desk at the church and hide behind the title of pastor. This new life out in the open without that protection is scary. But my trust should be in Jesus, not my job title.
All this is still growing on me and I’m sure I’ll have more days of back and forth on this all. But if it were up to me I would be calling churches in the area today begging them to hire an associate. I have been faithfully led this far and I cannot start doubting that God knows best know. What a lovely day to walk on water.
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